


Will it win?

by LadyAbigail



Series: Tumblr prompts [17]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Always Keep Fighting, Concerned Dean Winchester, Concerned Sam Winchester, Depression, F/M, Goodbye texts, I wrote this to write out some feelings, depressed reader, mention of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-11-04 16:37:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10994781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyAbigail/pseuds/LadyAbigail
Summary: Reader decides to stay back from a hunt to figure her depression stuff out.





	Will it win?

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this tonight because I've been struggling the past few days and well I needed to write this to express my feelings. I really don't expect anybody to read this or anything

You couldn't do this anymore. It seemed like the past few days your depression was getting the best of you. Every morning was the same damn thing. Were you strong enough to get through the day? Most days you were able to but today...today was different. Today you were at the bunker by yourself. Sam and Dean had left the day before to go on a hunt a few states over. You could have easily gone with them but you decided to stay behind.You needed some time to yourself. What a mistake that was. The bunker was too quiet and your thoughts went to places you didn't like. Even though you knew the boys were out doing their job your mind tried to tell you otherwise

 

_ “You're no good for them” _

 

_ “You're just a burden” _

 

_ “They're better off without you” _

 

_ “You're dragging them down” _

 

_ “You don't deserve their love.” _

 

It was that last thought that did you in. You didn't deserve their love and you didn't deserve them. They could do so much better than you. You knew you'd be forgotten. The boys would move on. They would fine somebody else to love. They would find somebody else to take care of them. 

 

You knew it wouldn't take long once you decided to take them. Sleeping pills would be fast and painless. You needed to tell them though. You owed them a goodbye. A text wasn't the best way  to do it but you knew that they were too far away to stop you.  They would come back to find you. After grabbing your phone you pulled up a blank message. It was going to both of the boys. It brought tears to your eyes when you typed up the message.  

 

_ “ Boys, I'm sorry for this but I cannot do this anymore. I'm a burden to you both. I don't deserve you. I'll see you both on the other side. “ _

 

The moment you hit send the tears started to fall. You felt like a failure. When your phone started to ring you ignored it. You knew why it was ringing. Sam was calling you. You didn't want to talk to them. If they asked you if you were okay you wouldn't lie. You were far from being okay.

 

Led Zeppelin’s “Ramble on” started to play through your phone and you ignored it. That would be Dean calling you. You let it go to voicemail. You had done the same with Sam. You were to much of a coward to talk to them. “Ramble on” started to play again so you left your bedroom to head into the bathroom. You made sure to leave your phone in the bedroom. After digging through the medicine cabinet for your pills you pulled the bottle out and just stared them. Were you really going to go through with this? That was your last thought before everything went dark. 

 

When you finally opened your eyes again You were in your room. The desk lamp was on. How the hell did you get back in here? After sitting up you saw the cold features of The Winchesters.  When did they get back? 

 

“When the hell did you two get here?” You ask as you rub the sleep from your eyes.

 

“We got back a couple of hours ago.” Sam spoke up. His voice was quiet. Had he been crying? “We raced back once we got your text.” 

 

“Yeah, sorry about that.”

 

“You scared us, Baby girl.” It was Dean who spoke up this time. “Why would you want to do this?” 

 

“It doesn't matter.” You mumble to yourself as you run your hand through your messy hair. 

 

“It doesn't matter?” Dean tried not to yell. He didn't want to scare you away. 

 

“No, it doesn't.” You close your eyes and don't see when either of them walk over to you. 

 

“Listen to me.” Sam sat down next to you and placed his hands against your cheeks. “It matters to us. When you didn't answer our calls we got so scared. We didn't know what we were going to come home to.”

 

“We prayed to Cass,” Dean spoke up after his brother finished talking. “We made him come check on you. He said he had to put you to sleep.You were staring at a bottle of sleeping pills. He stayed with you until we got home.”

 

That explained how you didn't remember coming to your bedroom. Cass must have brought you in here once he put you to sleep. When Sam wiped the pad of his thumb across your cheek the tears started to fall again. 

 

“I don't deserve you. Either of you. I'm a burden neither of you deserve.” You spoke softly. You didn't want to have a full breakdown in front of them. 

 

“Is that what you think, Baby girl?” Dean spoke up as he looked at Sam. 

 

All you could do was nod. You didn't deserve them. They would be so better off without you...and your episodes. You were a burden to them. Dean laid down next to you and pulled you close to his chest. 

 

“You're stuck with us.” Dean wrapped his arm around you. He wanted to see a smile on your lips. He loved it when you smiled. “Isn't that right, Sammy?” 

 

“Yeah you are stuck with us.” Sam's thumb wiped away the tears that continued to fall. “I need you to promise us something Baby Girl.I need you to promise us that when this happens again you're going to tell us. We’ll help you through it. We're in this together.” 

 

And if we're unreachable for any reason pray to Cass. You know he’ll be here in an instant. He can find one of us or he’ll stay with you until we can get to you.” 

 

“I promise I'll reach out to one of you guys.” Once you spoke up Sam placed a kiss to your forehead. 

Before closing your eyes you laced your right fingers into Sam's left fingers. You didn't want either of them to leave right now but you were going to through this with your boys. Come hell and high water you were going to get through this.

 


End file.
